Mindfulness Matters: The Top 5 Comments to Avoid Saying to Someone Newly Diagnosed with Adult ADHD
An ADHD diagnosis is a pivotal moment, especially when received later in life. It’s a moment of mixed emotions, a rollercoaster ride where hope, relief, shock, shame, and grief take turns within seconds. The already fragile world of the newly diagnosed might be shattered entirely now, flooded with information, countless unanswered questions, and no idea what to do next.
If you are a friend, a family member, or a colleague of an ADHD “newcomer,” it's essential to recognize the power of your words. Mindfulness, empathy, and supportive communication matter in supporting an ADHDer’s journey!
Let’s explore five comments that, despite good intentions, you better avoid when talking to someone with newly diagnosed ADHD.
#1 Comment to Avoid: “Everyone seems to have ADHD nowadays.”
The phrase “Everyone seems to have ADHD nowadays” is often casually tossed around. It reflects a common misconception about the prevalence of ADHD diagnoses.
Correct: More ADHD Diagnoses
It is correct that (official) ADHD diagnoses are on the rise. With increasing awareness of the disorder, new diagnostic criteria, as well as rising press and social media attention, more people are getting diagnosed. With 3.1%, the overall general prevalence estimate of adult ADHD worldwide is relatively high but still lower than, for example, major depressive disorders (5 %).
Wrong: Everyone has ADHD
As a neurodevelopmental disorder, ADHD has the potential to affect every aspect of one’s life negatively. So, it's crucial to recognize that receiving an ADHD diagnosis is not an incidental matter. It not only represents a validation of an individual's experiences and challenges. It also offers a framework for understanding and addressing lifelong difficulties.
The majority of people worldwide do not have ADHD.
Suggesting that “everyone has ADHD nowadays” minimizes and devalues someone's diagnosis. Assuming general over-diagnosing undermines the authority of medical professionals, trivializes a person’s experience, and doubts their struggles.
#2 Comment to Avoid: “You don’t look like somebody with ADHD.”
ADHD can present differently in each person, and appearances don't always reflect someone's internal experiences. Like autism and other recognized types of neurodivergent conditions, ADHD is considered a spectrum disorder. The term “spectrum” highlights and acknowledges the diversity in symptom presentation and severity.
Spectrum vs. Stereotype
With ADHD manifesting differently in each individual, there is no singular stereotype. So, focusing on understanding and support is essential for inclusivity rather than making assumptions based on outward appearances.
Masking in ADHD
Another reason for making it challenging to identify somebody with ADHD just by their look or behaviour is a coping mechanism called “masking.”
In the context of neurodiversity, masking refers to conscious or unconscious concealing or suppressing one's true thoughts, feelings, or behaviours associated with the neurodevelopmental condition. Individuals may employ masking strategies to fit in, avoid judgment, or navigate social, academic, and professional environments that may not suit their neurodiverse needs.
It's essential to recognize the impact of masking on an individual’s well-being, as it can contribute to feelings of alienation, disconnection from one's authentic self, and mental health issues.
Saying, “You don’t look like somebody with ADHD,” might sound like a compliment, but it doesn't create environments that foster authenticity, acceptance, and inclusion.
#3 Comment to Avoid: “I knew it!”
Very often, the individual didn’t even know they had ADHD. So how could you know? Sometimes, it takes years and several exams to receive the correct diagnosis. You might have suspected something, but only an official assessment delivers the final proof.
Responding with “I knew it” after someone receives an ADHD diagnosis may come across as dismissive or belittling of the individual's experiences and struggles. It implies that their diagnosis was somehow predictable or obvious, disregarding the complexity of their journey and the challenges they faced in seeking validation and understanding. It may perpetuate misconceptions about ADHD and contribute to feelings of stigma or shame surrounding the diagnosis.
#4 Comment to Avoid: “Then I have ADHD, too.”
Everyone loses their keys, temper, or forgets an appointment from time to time. Assuming that this is enough to claim ADHD or “a little bit of ADHD” trivializes the severity and impact of the disorder. Occasional forgetfulness or being easily distracted are not the same as the constant and long-lasting symptoms that people with ADHD face.
ADHD is a complex neurodevelopmental disorder with various symptoms and impairments extending beyond typical forgetfulness or emotional imbalances.
If you suspect having ADHD, seek evaluation and guidance from qualified healthcare professionals rather than making assumptions.
#5 Comment to Avoid: “That’s why you are so creative!”
One of the biggest misconceptions about ADHD is that creativity is one of the disorder's defining characteristics. While some individuals with ADHD may demonstrate outstanding creativity, it is a unique and multifaceted trait that can be present in individuals regardless of their neurodiversity.
Linking creativity to ADHD oversimplifies the diagnosis and creates a stereotype that doesn’t accurately reflect the ADHD spectrum diversity. It perpetuates stigma, misunderstandings, and discrimination of both neurodivergent and neurotypical individuals.
In addition to the stereotype of creativity being associated with ADHD, several other stereotypes exist. Some of these include:
Hyperactivity
Restlessness
Disorganization
Forgetfulness
Impulsivity
Risk-taking Behaviour
Academic Underachievement
Inattentiveness
Daydreaming
Behavioural Problems
Medication Dependency
Lack of Intelligence
Mood Swings
Emotional Instability
Stunted Growth or Development
Criminality or Delinquency
Conclusion
Without having a neurodivergent brain and firsthand experience, it might be impossible to relate to or understand the challenges people with ADHD face in various aspects of their lives, including academics, work, relationships, and daily tasks. It’s not impossible, though, to respond with empathy, validation, and support, acknowledging the individual's experiences and offering encouragement. By challenging stereotypes and promoting accurate knowledge about ADHD, we can create a more inclusive and supportive society where everyone can thrive.
Let’s break down barriers together and embrace diversity.
